Couples face this problem after the RTL show

Inka Bause matches farmers all over the world.

Inka Bause matches farmers all over the world.rtl


Stephanie Wieczorek

This year’s edition of “Bauer sucht Frau International” ends on Monday. In the fourth season, four farmers and one farmer from different countries were looking for love. Rolinka and Justin from France, Hans from Canada, Rüdiger from South Africa and Félix from Peru were there.

A couple who find each other in a television format always has to deal with different problems than couples who fall in love under “normal” conditions. In “Bauer sucht Frau International” there is also that people meet there who come from different countries and possibly other cultures. In addition, there are language barriers and the fact that you leave your homeland for someone else and move to a distant country.

watson spoke to communications expert Emanuel Pavel about these issues. He reveals what problems the couples from “Bauer sucht Frau Internationa” could face. He also gives tips on how international relationships can work.

“Bauer sucht Frau International” couples: An expert has this fear

Generally speaking, Emanuel Pavel sees the following stumbling block in this context:

“When one partner emigrates for the other, an asymmetry arises. From their own perspective, one partner achieves more than the other and feels disadvantaged as a result. This creates expectations of the relationship that can hardly be fulfilled.”

Emanuel Pavel is a communications coach and moderator.

Emanuel Pavel is a communications coach and moderator.Private

The higher your own “commitment” to the relationship, the higher the expectations. If they were disappointed at some point, the relationship could break up, he explains and adds: “Each of us wants the perfect, great love. In order to get them, we often make painful compromises in the hope that it will pay off in the long run.”

Communication is the most important thing

A more specific issue is the potential language barrier. What communication problems can arise when the woman is from Germany and the man is from France can be seen in the current season of the RTL format in a scene about Justin from France. When the 30-year-old cooks potatoes, the lady-in-waiting Maureen wants to know whether the potatoes are waxy or floury. The Frenchman doesn’t know what the North Rhine-Westphalian is getting at and keeps emphasizing that the potatoes can be boiled. Maureen can only laugh about this misunderstanding afterwards.

Of course, this is a harmless example, but in the course of a relationship, communication problems can also lead to serious crises, as Emanuel Pavel emphasizes to watson:

“Communication is everything in a relationship. Often the couples have to communicate in a language that is not their mother tongue. This makes it difficult to find the right words, especially in emotionally challenging situations. Conflicts escalate because you express yourself misleadingly, or from the partner is misunderstood.”

Justin France does not always understand his ladies-in-waiting from Germany.

Justin France does not always understand his ladies-in-waiting from Germany.rtl

And the communication expert goes on to explain: “Some things that the partner does not understand seem obvious. This leads to conflicts. Constantly taking the partner’s perspective requires energy, which is often lacking in stressful situations. But if you then react annoyed, the conflict can escalate.” In such situations, only one thing helps: patience! “Keeping up on how your partner thinks and feels is the key to good communication,” he explains.

“That’s not how a solid partnership works”

Another thing that you shouldn’t underestimate when you take part in “Bauer sucht Frau International”: You become dependent on another person to a certain extent.

Let’s take Félix from Peru. His coffee farm is in Oxapampa. It’s a 15-hour flight from Germany to Peru. From the Peruvian capital Lima to Oxapampa, the drive can easily take as long as we saw in the first episode of this year’s season. A partner who chooses Félix will most likely have to live and work on the farm. Pavel said to watson about this:

“First of all, you should honestly ask yourself whether you might not even wish for a dependency on your partner. Because dependency leads to certain expectations. Voluntary dependency makes you so vulnerable that you give your partner the responsibility for the success of a relationship. And with that comes the blame for problems in the relationship. That’s not how a solid partnership works.”

Félix from Peru lives isolated from the outside world.

Félix from Peru lives isolated from the outside world.rtl

It is therefore advisable to ask yourself where in life you can and want to take responsibility yourself and what steps are important to personal and possibly also financial independence. And further: “With every decision for your own independence, you strengthen the basis for a strong relationship at eye level.”

Everyone knows these problems when dating

Of course, the candidates of “Bauer sucht Frau International” also face problems that everyone knows from their love life. For example, the ladies-in-waiting Nina and Danielle complain about that their cowboy farmer Hans from Canada is too withdrawn.

According to Emanuel Pavel, such people are often afraid of being attacked and rejected if they speak openly. His advice:

“As a loving partner, you can alleviate this fear by repeatedly proving to them that the relationship is strong and can also withstand conflicts. The more often the closed partner realizes that he can formulate his needs without triggering a catastrophe, the better he can learn to open up.”

According to his ladies-in-waiting, Hans from Canada needs to open up more.

According to his ladies-in-waiting, Hans from Canada needs to open up more.rtl

Another problem that regularly crops up in dating formats: a person’s heart is broken. Of the current candidates, lady-in-waiting Monika reacted most violently to her rejection. She accused coffee farmer Félix of not showing enough interest and “throwing it away cold”.

This reaction doesn’t surprise Pavel: “Everyone wants good explanations when they break up or are rejected, so that they can regain the feeling of being in control of the situation. Rarely can you explain emotional things rationally.” However, he adds that this is not the right time for attacks and accusations because: “Everyone has different ways of dealing with it and here it is also important to ask what the other person needs at that moment.” One should communicate one’s own feelings or lack of feelings and give the other person the time and space to deal with it and process it.